{"id":432,"date":"2017-10-19T21:36:20","date_gmt":"2017-10-20T01:36:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/coolskill.org\/site\/?page_id=432"},"modified":"2017-10-19T21:36:20","modified_gmt":"2017-10-20T01:36:20","slug":"dramatis-personae","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/coolskill.org\/site\/dramatis-personae\/","title":{"rendered":"Dramatis Personae"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dramatis Personae<\/span><\/p>\n

Mr. Boddie\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 The dead guy<\/span><\/p>\n

Officer Kluless\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026…………\u2026\u2026\u2026.The officer sent to investigate<\/span><\/p>\n

Roc Kray<\/span><\/p>\n

Charles Meener<\/span><\/p>\n

Silliam Wooner\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026…\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.The suspects<\/span><\/p>\n

Charlene Dickens<\/span><\/p>\n

James van Snyder Kruntch, Captain in the US Air Force<\/span><\/p>\n

A Mysterious Off-Stage Voice (MOSV)……………………………………….Not tellin\u2019 who it is!<\/span><\/p>\n

OFFICER KLULESS is led on stage by ROC KRAY. \u00a0A sofa and coffee table are on stage. \u00a0The body lies next to the coffee table. \u00a0A lamp of good, indestructible workmanship is on the table. \u00a0The ability to make a loud crashing sound off stage is needed.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

KRAY: \u00a0Right this way, officer.<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0A dead person? \u00a0Really? \u00a0Gee, this is my first murder investigation. [KLULESS looks around the room, as if looking for the body]<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

KRAY: \u00a0Really. \u00a0He\u2019s over there. \u00a0[points to the body, but KLULESS ignores the pointing and continues scanning the room.]<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Ah! \u00a0Of course. \u00a0I\u2019ll go find, er, examine the body while you go get the other suspects.<\/span><\/p>\n

KRAY: \u00a0Suspects? \u00a0Already?<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Of course! \u00a0Everybody in the house is a suspect! \u00a0Haven\u2019t you ever played Clue?<\/span><\/p>\n

KRAY: \u00a0[giving KLULESS a funny look]<\/em> \u00a0Alllllllll right.<\/span><\/p>\n

[KRAY leaves while KLULESS wanders about muttering, quite loudly, \u201cWHAT BODY?\u201d \u00a0KLULESS then trips over the body.]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Oh, excuse me. \u00a0[KLULESS stands up, using the table for support. \u00a0As he does so, he knocks the lamp off the table. \u00a0It hits the floor with a resounding crash. \u00a0All of the other suspects come rushing in.]<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

MEENER: \u00a0What was that?<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0I was, er, just examining the body. \u00a0No need for alarm. \u00a0[KLULESS places the lamp back on the table and addresses the suspects in a more commanding tone.]<\/em> \u00a0Okay, everybody. \u00a0Line up. \u00a0[The suspects form a line on stage as KLULESS takes out a notebook.]<\/em> \u00a0I want everybody\u2019s name.<\/span><\/p>\n

[All the suspects shout out their names all at once.]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Not all at once! \u00a0One at a time!<\/span><\/p>\n

[As each suspect says their name, they step forward, as introducing themselves to the audience, and then step back into line]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

KRAY: \u00a0Roc Kray<\/span><\/p>\n

DICKENS: \u00a0Charlene Dickens.<\/span><\/p>\n

MEENER: \u00a0Charles Meener.<\/span><\/p>\n

KRUNTCH: \u00a0Captain James van Snyder Kruntch.<\/span><\/p>\n

WOONER: \u00a0William Spooner – uh, I mean, Silliam Wooner.<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: [Turns to face audience, standing in front of the line of suspects]<\/em> \u00a0I\u2019m Kluless.<\/span><\/p>\n

KRUNTCH: \u00a0We see that.<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: [Still facing audience]<\/em> \u00a0That\u2019s Officer Kluless. \u00a0There\u2019s been a murder here, and I intend to find out who did it.<\/span><\/p>\n

KRAY: \u00a0[Stepping forward and tapping KLULESS on the shoulder]<\/em> \u00a0Sir, we\u2019re behind you.<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0That\u2019s good. \u00a0Are you behind me one hundred percent?<\/span><\/p>\n

DICKENS: \u00a0No, we are literally behind you.<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Oh. <\/span><\/p>\n

[KLULESS turns around. \u00a0Everybody arranges themselves so that KLULESS can interrogate them without having his back to the audience, with KLULESS standing near the body]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Okay. \u00a0Listen. \u00a0I\u2019ll try to make this painless and get to the point. \u00a0Who killed Mr. Boddie?<\/span><\/p>\n

MSOV: [From offstage, of course]<\/em> \u00a0Bum bum buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.<\/span><\/p>\n

[WOONER screams]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

KRUNTCH: \u00a0What was that?<\/span><\/p>\n

WOONER: \u00a0I don\u2019t know, but it scared the dickens out of me.<\/span><\/p>\n

DICKENS: \u00a0Yes?<\/span><\/p>\n

WOONER: \u00a0What?<\/span><\/p>\n

DICKENS: \u00a0I asked you first. \u00a0You called my name.<\/span><\/p>\n

WOONER: \u00a0No, I didn\u2019t. \u00a0I just said that it scared the dickens out of me.<\/span><\/p>\n

DICKENS: \u00a0Yes?<\/span><\/p>\n

WOONER: \u00a0Never mind.<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Stop it! \u00a0Listen, there\u2019s been a murder here and I intend to find out who did it.<\/span><\/p>\n

KRAY: \u00a0[aside]<\/em> \u00a0Is that all this guy can say?<\/span><\/p>\n

[KLULESS takes a step and trips over the body again]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

KRAY: \u00a0[aside]<\/em> \u00a0And why don\u2019t I trust him?<\/span><\/p>\n

[As KLULESS get up, he knocks over the lamp with a resounding crash again]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

KRAY: [aside]<\/em> \u00a0And\u2026, why does he keep knocking over that lamp?<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0[after righting the lamp again]<\/em> \u00a0Okay, let\u2019s try a different approach. \u00a0Does anybody here have a criminal record?<\/span><\/p>\n

KRUNTCH: \u00a0The only thing I\u2019ve been charged with is a misdemeanor.<\/span><\/p>\n

MEENER: \u00a0What?<\/span><\/p>\n

KRUNTCH: [slightly louder]<\/em> \u00a0A misdemeanor.<\/span><\/p>\n

MEENER: \u00a0I\u2019m Mr. Meener.<\/span><\/p>\n

KRUNTCH: \u00a0NO!<\/span><\/p>\n

MEENER: \u00a0Yes, I am.<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Stop it! \u00a0Stop it! \u00a0STOP IT!<\/span><\/p>\n

KRAY: \u00a0Stop what?<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Arguing like this! \u00a0Listen, there\u2019s been a murder here and I –<\/span><\/p>\n

ALL: \u00a0Intend to find out who did it.<\/span><\/p>\n

KRAY: \u00a0Yes, we know. \u00a0You\u2019ve told us. \u00a0Several times.<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: Then co-operate with me! \u00a0Next question: \u00a0what did you have for breakfast?<\/span><\/p>\n

DICKENS: \u00a0What does that have to do with anything?<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0I\u2019m asking the questions here. \u00a0Besides, it might be important.<\/span><\/p>\n

MEENER: \u00a0I had a bowl of cereal.<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Ah! \u00a0Co-operation at last! \u00a0What kind of cereal did you have?<\/span><\/p>\n

MEENER: \u00a0Cap\u2019n Crunch.<\/span><\/p>\n

KRUNTCH: \u00a0Yes?<\/span><\/p>\n

MEENER: \u00a0Not you, the cereal.<\/span><\/p>\n

KRUNTCH: \u00a0What cereal?<\/span><\/p>\n

MEENER: \u00a0Cap\u2019n Crunch.<\/span><\/p>\n

KRUNTCH: \u00a0What?<\/span><\/p>\n

MEENER: \u00a0Listen, ol\u2019 buddy, ol\u2019 pal, what did you have for breakfast?<\/span><\/p>\n

KRUNTCH: \u00a0Fruit Loops.<\/span><\/p>\n

MEENER: \u00a0Figures.<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: No, no, NO! \u00a0[KLULESS flails his arms about as he says this, knocking the lamp off the table again. \u00a0It hits the floor with a resounding crash. \u00a0KLULESS rights it again.]<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0One simple question: \u00a0who did it?<\/span><\/p>\n

WOONER: \u00a0Did what?<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Killed Mr. Boddie, of course!<\/span><\/p>\n

MSOV: [From offstage, of course]<\/em> \u00a0Bum bum buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.<\/span><\/p>\n

[WOONER screams]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

KRUNTCH: \u00a0What was that?<\/span><\/p>\n

WOONER: \u00a0I don\u2019t know, but it scared —<\/span><\/p>\n

DICKENS: \u00a0Don\u2019t even say it.<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Well?<\/span><\/p>\n

ALL SUSPECTS: \u00a0Well what?<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0[yelling]<\/em> \u00a0WHO KILLED MR. BODDIE?<\/span><\/p>\n

MSOV: [From offstage, of course]<\/em> \u00a0Bum bum buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.<\/span><\/p>\n

WOONER: \u00a0Oh! \u00a0I get it!<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Get what?<\/span><\/p>\n

WOONER: \u00a0Whenever anybody says, \u201cMr. Boddie\u201d – <\/span><\/p>\n

MSOV: [From offstage, of course]<\/em> \u00a0Bum bum buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh.<\/span><\/p>\n

WOONER: – a mysterious voice goes, \u201cbum bum bah!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: [Full of exasperation]<\/em> \u00a0Listen. \u00a0THERE\u2019S. \u00a0BEEN. \u00a0A. \u00a0MURDER. \u00a0HERE.<\/span><\/p>\n

ALL SUSPECTS: \u00a0And you intend to find out who did it.<\/span><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Yes! \u00a0You understand! \u00a0Now, who did it?<\/span><\/p>\n

[Suspects look at one another for a moment, and then point among themselves.]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

ALL SUSPECTS: \u00a0They did it.<\/span><\/p>\n

[KLULESS sags visibly]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

KLULESS: \u00a0Okay. \u00a0I\u2019m taking you all down to the station. \u00a0Now. \u00a0Move along, move along.<\/span><\/p>\n

[KLULESS herds the suspects off stage right. \u00a0As soon as they leave, MSOV enters from stage left.]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

MSOV: \u00a0[addressing the audience]<\/em> \u00a0Hi, I\u2019m Mr. Boddie. \u00a0I\u2019m looking for my training dummy. \u00a0Have any of you seen it? \u00a0[Notices the body\/dummy on the floor]<\/em> \u00a0Ah! \u00a0There you are! \u00a0Bum bum buuuuuuuh! \u00a0I\u2019ve been looking all over the house for you!<\/span><\/p>\n

BODDIE\/TRAINING DUMMY: \u00a0[Sits up and jerks with thumb stage right]<\/em> \u00a0Sorry, the dummies just left.<\/span><\/p>\n

[Mr. Boddie and the training dummy exit stage left as the curtain closes. \u00a0As soon as curtain is closed, a crash is heard. \u00a0Curtain opens partially, revealing KLULESS in the process of picking the lamp up off the floor. \u00a0He glances up at the audience, says \u201cSORRY,\u201d and the curtain closes for good, much to the audience\u2019s relief.]<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dramatis Personae Mr. Boddie\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 The dead guy Officer Kluless\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026…………\u2026\u2026\u2026.The officer sent to investigate Roc Kray Charles Meener Silliam Wooner\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026..\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026…\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.The suspects Charlene Dickens James van Snyder Kruntch, Captain in the US Air Force A Mysterious Off-Stage Voice (MOSV)……………………………………….Not tellin\u2019 who it is! OFFICER KLULESS is led on stage by ROC KRAY. \u00a0A sofa and coffee table … <\/p>\n

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